Middle School
     High School Years
     College Age
     Date Lab
     My Experiences

Boys! They're more trouble than they're worth. Don't waste your time with them. Concentrate on your studies. With me so far?

Not going to follow my advice are you? Oh well, I tried. Okay, your mom suggests I give you some practical advice. First, I'll tell you a little about my past; perhaps you can draw a few lessons from that.

For Annabelle

During your teenage years, your mom and Heidi's mom say you'll worry about your self-image, and you'll want to be like famous models and actresses. You'll want boys to like you and you'll have doubts about your popularity, your looks, your intelligence. You'll want to be cool and have the most popular clothes. But remember, no matter what happens you will eventually meet someone who likes you for who you are, and not because you're trying to be like someone else. But who are you? That's hard to say, but how you treat others says more about who you are than anything else.

Tonight 2/13/15 is your first dance with your first boyfriend, less than one week old. I can see you are proud and excited. Even if neither of you can dance, I think you'll have a good time.

For Timmy


Annabelle, You have a lot of confidence in yourself and your abilities, so I'm not too worried about your self-image. It appears to be pretty positive.


Annabelle, you make enemies easily, and don't seem to care whether anyone likes you or not.

Timmy, you've been popular since pre-school.

Finding Yourself


It's sad, but you will loose your first love. He or she will either break your heart, or you'll find someone else. And this will go on for many years. You'll break hearts, and others will break yours.


"When men are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do." Advice from Randy Pausch to his daughter (see Last Lecture)

How to Handle Rejection

Enter this as a Google search term
How to Handle Rejection 7 Reality Checks

Lipstick, pierced ears, makeup - mom says if you can afford them, go ahead. I'm not sure I agree with that, but I'll wait and see (certainly after you've matured, say 12). By the way, I and others don't like girls who wear makeup and lipstick. The "natural look" appeals to me. More than one earing for each ear looks a bit bizzare and makes me wonder why they wouldn't use their money for something better - food, clothes, books. In other words, they might not be very smart, and I only like intelligent women.

Piercings other than ears, tattoos - again, mom says if you can afford it, go ahead. I definitely disagree with these. While you live under our roof, I say no. After you move out and live on your own - college - you are an adult and can make decisions for yourself. Obviously, I can't stop you from doing it before you've moved out and I wonder what I'll do if you decide to do it. Temporary tattoos are okay, and you can color or cut your hair anyway you want, anything that doesn't permanently change your body is okay with me. But ask yourself, how will other people view you? what message are you sending?

short dresses - Hmmmm...not permanent...must be okay, right? Well...What kind of message do you want to send to the boys and what message will they receive? You want to say, I'm desirable, they see you saying "I'm easy, take advantage of me." You might get physically abused and attract the attention of men and boys you aren't interested in.

Do girls have more rules than boys? Maybe a few more rules, but I'll hold Timmy to the same rules - no short dresses, no make-up, etc. :-)

Curfew - school nights, home before dark in elementary school. High school - home before 10:00 on school nights, midnight on Friday and Saturday. Drunk drivers come out after that. College - you're on your own. Hopefully, you have enough wisdom to make smart decisions by now.

Drinking - US rules are ridiculous. Europe is more sensible. I don't drink, but I have nothing against people who do. Unfortunately, we can't break the law, but if you want to try beer or wine. I'll let you try something at dinner, but since I don't drink, you'll have to give me the money to buy it. Beer tastes terrible, Fruit coolers, which have very little wine, taste good. White wine isn't bad, Red wine I don't care for. In simple terms, I just don't care for the taste of alchol.

Middle School

Junior high. Oh, oh. This is the dangerous time for boys, their hormones start to race and they become interested in more than kissing. Although they've looked at Playboy, they want to get their hands on the real thing. Ohhhh... They are filled with desire!

Therefore, Rule #1: No one-on-one dating before 16!

Perhaps date with a group of friends. Hopefully chaperoned. To the pizza parlor, the skating rink, swimming pool, but even a group of you should not be left together without other eyes around. It's too easy for two of you to sneak off to a dark corner of the movie theater. I just read that some parents host co-ed sleep overs for tweens. What am I supposed to think?

High School Years

  • Freshman
    Dating begins when you're 16. Before that, you can go out in groups, but after dark, you'll have to have a chaperon for your group.
  • Senior


  • Pick a major, join a study group, and find the good guys that way.

  • Never go to a bar to find someone. They are too noisy to have a good conversation to get to know someone.

  • If you have a bad feeling about someone, call it quits.

  • Don't spend time looking for a soul mate. You may never find one.

    I have read that they do. I have friends that are happily married, but since half of all marriages end in divorce, I think your expectations should not be based on what you read in books or see at the movies.

    8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

    From W. Bruce Cameron's book The rules are:
    1. Use your hands on my daughter and you'll lose them after.
    2. You make her cry, I make you cry.
    3. Safe sex is a myth. Anything you try will be hazardous to your health.
    4. Bring her home late, there's no next date.
    5. Only delivery men honk. Dates ring the doorbell. Once.
    6. No complaining while you're waiting for her. If you're bored, change my oil.
    7. If your pants hang off your hips, I'll gladly secure them with my staple gun.
    8. Dates must be in crowded public places. You want romance? Read a book.

    My Experiences

    I'm not a typical guy, I don't know how valuable my advice will be. What's it worth? I don't know. How much did you pay for it? :-)

    1. The most important lesson I can draw from my experience is: if you're over 20, you shouldn't continue to date someone you don't think you would marry. In other words, you just want to be friends. Continuing to date someone you don't plan to marry wastes both your time and his time.

      I dated a lot of women I knew I wouldn't marry, because I wanted to be friends, and it was easier for me to have female friends. They were easy to talk to and they liked hiking and camping, which none of my male high school friends did. And when I got to college, I didn't make many friends because I was in interdisciplinary studies so I never had a group of students that I shared classes with.

      I spent a lot of time with women who I thought of only as friends. We hiked, we watched movies, we fooled around. But because I didn't feel the same way about them as they did about me, I was wasting their time and my time. Spend time with friends, but don't spend a lot of time with friends of the opposite sex. That's time that will keep both of you from finding someone special, who you love as more than just a friend.

    2. Don't misunderstand. Men and women can be platonic friends, but it's not always easy. One of you will probably want more, which can lead to difficulties. I've been friends with Shari for 27 years, and friends with Wendy for over 30. But Angela, my old fiancee, haven't spoken in years. It's easier to stay friends with people you haven't dated.
    3. Find a person who you'd like to have as a friend, and if you feel a special spark, hang onto that friend, unless they tell you (or you realize) that they only want to be friends. I've had that spark only four times in my life. Wendy, Angela, Margaret, and your mom.
    4. Be as nice to your boyfriend or girlfriend as you are to your friends. Be polite, be honest, be thoughtful. Treat them the way you would like to be treated.
    5. Don't play games. Sometimes it's hard to know who you like and who likes you. So you tease a little - harmless flirting - to see if they will notice you and how they react. That kind of game playing is okay. But if you know someone likes you, don't pretend you don't notice just to feel the power you have over them. Don't say, "yes" and then change your mind if something better comes along.
    6. Your looks will get their attention, but keeping the best ones will require a lot more than that. Intelligence, knowledge, a sense of confidence and humor, are the most important. Shared interests and beliefs rank highly too.
    7. Mom says finding someone who appreciates you is the key. Someone who cares about your opinion, and listens to you. What about the perfect man, your soulmate. Sorry, he doesn't exist. No one is perfect and even the best marriages will have fights and disagreements. But when are the problems too big too work out? We all have a list of what we'd like, it starts with the way someone looks, intelligent, behavior and personality. But almost everything is negotiable. More money compensates for less hair, a good personality compensates for someone who's plain looking. But the most important parts of their personality you won't learn unless you spend a lot of time with them.

      Dowd's Advice on Dating

    8. Some men want to play the field and won't commit. I've never been able to fall in love, except with you :-)

    9. If you're out of college and have a job, you need outside interests to meet people - or video/internet dating.

      Great Expectations was a video dating service, I joined the first year I arrived in Washington, DC (my second time here). Angela, my first fiancee' recommended it to me. She'd found her husband that way.

      One of my dates told me about the Single Volunteers of DC (SVDC)

    Mathematical Guide to Finding the Best Spouse

    To increase your odds of finding the best partner, use the mathematical method. The secretary problem is one of many names for a famous problem of the optimal stopping theory. The problem has been studied extensively in the fields of applied probability, statistics, and decision theory. It is also known as the marriage problem, the fussy suitor problem, and the best choice problem.

    The problem has an elegant solution. The optimal stopping rule prescribes always rejecting the first n/e men after you've dated/interviewed them (where e is approximately 2.7) and then stopping at the first one who is better than every other man you've dated/interviewed so far . Sometimes this strategy is called the 1/e stopping rule, because the probability of stopping at the best applicant with this strategy is about 1/e already for moderate values of n.

    The difficulty with using this for dating, is you need to decide how many dates/men you will have before getting married. Starting from High School to Graduate School 4+4+2 = 10 years. Marry at age 25 - 30, and date 3 men a year on average, so that's 30 men. Date and Dump the first 11, and marry the best one you find after that.

    One reason why the secretary problem has received so much attention is that the optimal policy for the problem (the stopping rule) is simple and selects the single best candidate about 37% of the time, irrespective of whether there are 100 or 100 million applicants. In fact, for any value of n the probability of selecting the best candidate when using the optimal policy is at least 1/e.

    First Date Tips First Date Advice
  • Your First Time
    Your first sexual experience can be wonderful, miserable, or hazardous to your health. If you do it wrong, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. If you do it right, you'll have wonderful memories forever. To make it wonderful, be sure you're in love, be sure it's your idea, plan for it, and use protection. Also make sure you are relaxed and sober. Find a quiet place and set aside an hour to enjoy it. Talk with the person you plan to do it with. Take it slow. Find out what he or she likes, tell him or her what you like. And make sure your partner is ready too. Don't force yourself and don't force someone else. When you are ready, you'll know. If you have any doubts, then don't do it. If you are too embarrassed to talk about sex with your partner, then you aren't ready to have sex with them. To learn what pleases you, please yourself first.
  • Pleasing Yourself
    We all have urges. The animal urges. Your sex drive is strong. Evolution has been working millions of years giving us those urges. Fortunately, we've got a brain to. Use it. Do you want to be a mother or father at 14? No? Then protect yourself. You don't have to have sex with someone to get rid of those urges. The safest way (both physically and emotionally) is also the quickest way - learn how to please yourself. It takes only a few minutes and you'll feel better afterwords. Enough said.

    College Age

  • Apartment Stories
  • 100 Reasons to Stay Single
  • 10 Questions
  • 10 Ways to Marry the Wrong Person
  • 5 Things you need
  • 5 Break up signs
  • 5 questions before Break up
  • 5 ways to get over a breakup
  • Dating Violence How will you know you've met the right person? Do you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince? When will you know he's a frog and not a prince? How will you know you're dating a frog?

    When to Settle

    It's much easier to meet people in college or graduate school than at any other time in your life. You'll get to know many people in class, make friends and share study groups. It will be easy to start a conversation, get to know the people you're interested in, and find out if they are interested in you. If you don't find someone at school, join clubs where you'll meet people naturally.

    Stay away from bars. I don't drink and don't smoke, but I've heard that they are just meat markets for one night stands - you won't meet someone for a serious long-term relationship. Dating on the internet, or Craigs' list isn't much better, but you can be more selective.

    The more dates, the bigger the selection, the better you can rate the next one. But how will you know when the right one comes along? I don't believe in soul mates. You can meet the right person at the wrong time. But when is the right time. College may be too soon, Will you follow him? Will he follow you? To his first job? Will he follow you to graduate school? True love won't conquer all. Many problems can end even the strongest marriages. Better not to test a marriage.

    Date Lab

    Date Lab May 11, 2008 - Margaux, 22 & Brian, 26 They had everything but 1st date chemistry. Since they are young, they can be picky, and want to be able to say, "It was love at first sight." Kind of foolish, since they got along great and could have been great friends. Love should be based first on friendship. He was everything she had asked for in her profile.
    1st Version - September 3, 2005

    Last updated: Feb. 13, 2015