Dating |
|
Not going to follow my advice are you? Oh well, I tried. Okay, your mom suggests I give you some practical advice. First, I'll tell you a little about my past; perhaps you can draw a few lessons from that.
Tonight 2/13/15 is your first dance with your first boyfriend, less than one week old. I can see you are proud and excited. Even if neither of you can dance, I think you'll have a good time.
Timmy, you've been popular since pre-school.
Lipstick, pierced ears, makeup - mom says if you can afford them, go ahead. I'm not sure I agree with that, but I'll wait and see (certainly after you've matured, say 12). By the way, I and others don't like girls who wear makeup and lipstick. The "natural look" appeals to me. More than one earing for each ear looks a bit bizzare and makes me wonder why they wouldn't use their money for something better - food, clothes, books. In other words, they might not be very smart, and I only like intelligent women.
Piercings other than ears, tattoos - again, mom says if you can afford it, go ahead. I definitely disagree with these. While you live under our roof, I say no. After you move out and live on your own - college - you are an adult and can make decisions for yourself. Obviously, I can't stop you from doing it before you've moved out and I wonder what I'll do if you decide to do it. Temporary tattoos are okay, and you can color or cut your hair anyway you want, anything that doesn't permanently change your body is okay with me. But ask yourself, how will other people view you? what message are you sending?
short dresses - Hmmmm...not permanent...must be okay, right? Well...What kind of message do you want to send to the boys and what message will they receive? You want to say, I'm desirable, they see you saying "I'm easy, take advantage of me." You might get physically abused and attract the attention of men and boys you aren't interested in.
Do girls have more rules than boys? Maybe a few more rules, but I'll hold Timmy to the same rules - no short dresses, no make-up, etc. :-)
Curfew - school nights, home before dark in elementary school. High school - home before 10:00 on school nights, midnight on Friday and Saturday. Drunk drivers come out after that. College - you're on your own. Hopefully, you have enough wisdom to make smart decisions by now.
Drinking - US rules are ridiculous. Europe is more sensible. I don't drink, but I have nothing against people who do. Unfortunately, we can't break the law, but if you want to try beer or wine. I'll let you try something at dinner, but since I don't drink, you'll have to give me the money to buy it. Beer tastes terrible, Fruit coolers, which have very little wine, taste good. White wine isn't bad, Red wine I don't care for. In simple terms, I just don't care for the taste of alchol.
Therefore, Rule #1: No one-on-one dating before 16!
Perhaps date with a group of friends. Hopefully chaperoned. To the pizza parlor, the skating rink, swimming pool, but even a group of you should not be left together without other eyes around. It's too easy for two of you to sneak off to a dark corner of the movie theater. I just read that some parents host co-ed sleep overs for tweens. What am I supposed to think?
I have read that they do. I have friends that are happily married, but since half of all marriages end in divorce, I think your expectations should not be based on what you read in books or see at the movies.
I dated a lot of women I knew I wouldn't marry, because I wanted to be friends, and it was easier for me to have female friends. They were easy to talk to and they liked hiking and camping, which none of my male high school friends did. And when I got to college, I didn't make many friends because I was in interdisciplinary studies so I never had a group of students that I shared classes with.
I spent a lot of time with women who I thought of only as friends. We hiked, we watched movies, we fooled around. But because I didn't feel the same way about them as they did about me, I was wasting their time and my time. Spend time with friends, but don't spend a lot of time with friends of the opposite sex. That's time that will keep both of you from finding someone special, who you love as more than just a friend.
Great Expectations was a video dating service, I joined the first year I arrived in Washington, DC (my second time here). Angela, my first fiancee' recommended it to me. She'd found her husband that way.
One of my dates told me about the Single Volunteers of DC (SVDC)
The problem has an elegant solution. The optimal stopping rule prescribes always rejecting the first n/e men after you've dated/interviewed them (where e is approximately 2.7) and then stopping at the first one who is better than every other man you've dated/interviewed so far . Sometimes this strategy is called the 1/e stopping rule, because the probability of stopping at the best applicant with this strategy is about 1/e already for moderate values of n.
The difficulty with using this for dating, is you need to decide how many dates/men you will have before getting married. Starting from High School to Graduate School 4+4+2 = 10 years. Marry at age 25 - 30, and date 3 men a year on average, so that's 30 men. Date and Dump the first 11, and marry the best one you find after that.
One reason why the secretary problem has received so much attention is that the optimal policy for the problem (the stopping rule) is simple and selects the single best candidate about 37% of the time, irrespective of whether there are 100 or 100 million applicants. In fact, for any value of n the probability of selecting the best candidate when using the optimal policy is at least 1/e.
Stay away from bars. I don't drink and don't smoke, but I've heard that they are just meat markets for one night stands - you won't meet someone for a serious long-term relationship. Dating on the internet, or Craigs' list isn't much better, but you can be more selective.
The more dates, the bigger the selection, the better you can rate the next one. But how will you know when the right one comes along? I don't believe in soul mates. You can meet the right person at the wrong time. But when is the right time. College may be too soon, Will you follow him? Will he follow you? To his first job? Will he follow you to graduate school? True love won't conquer all. Many problems can end even the strongest marriages. Better not to test a marriage.
Last updated: Feb. 13, 2015
High School Years
Dating begins when you're 16. Before that, you can go out in groups, but after dark, you'll have to have a chaperon for your group.
College
8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter
From W. Bruce Cameron's book
The rules are:
My Experiences
I'm not a typical guy, I don't know how valuable my advice will be. What's it worth? I don't know. How much did you pay for it? :-)
Mathematical Guide to Finding the Best Spouse
To increase your odds of finding the best partner, use the mathematical method.
The secretary problem is one of many names for a famous problem of the optimal stopping theory. The problem has been studied extensively in the fields of applied probability, statistics, and decision theory. It is also known as the marriage problem, the fussy suitor problem, and the best choice problem.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem
First Date Tips
First Date Advice
Your first sexual experience can be wonderful, miserable, or hazardous to your health. If you do it wrong, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. If you do it right, you'll have wonderful memories forever. To make it wonderful, be sure you're in love, be sure it's your idea, plan for it, and use protection. Also make sure you are relaxed and sober. Find a quiet place and set aside an hour to enjoy it. Talk with the person you plan to do it with. Take it slow. Find out what he or she likes, tell him or her what you like. And make sure your partner is ready too. Don't force yourself and don't force someone else. When you are ready, you'll know. If you have any doubts, then don't do it. If you are too embarrassed to talk about sex with your partner, then you aren't ready to have sex with them. To learn what pleases you, please yourself first.
We all have urges. The animal urges. Your sex drive is strong. Evolution has been working millions of years giving us those urges. Fortunately, we've got a brain to. Use it. Do you want to be a mother or father at 14? No? Then protect yourself. You don't have to have sex with someone to get rid of those urges. The safest way (both physically and emotionally) is also the quickest way - learn how to please yourself. It takes only a few minutes and you'll feel better afterwords. Enough said.
College Age
When to Settle
It's much easier to meet people in college or graduate school than at any other time in your life. You'll get to know many people in class, make friends and share study groups. It will be easy to start a conversation, get to know the people you're interested in, and find out if they are interested in you. If you don't find someone at school, join clubs where you'll meet people naturally.
Date Lab
Date Lab May 11, 2008 - Margaux, 22 & Brian, 26
They had everything but 1st date chemistry. Since they are young, they can be picky, and want to be able to say, "It was love at first sight." Kind of foolish, since they got along great and could have been great friends. Love should be based first on friendship. He was everything she had asked for in her profile.
1st Version - September 3, 2005
Home