Bad Sex

What if you kiss with your mouth open? Is that sex? No, but it's a good beginning. What if you let him put his hand under your bra or down your panties? That's not sex either, but you're almost there. Sex starts with you kissing what's between his legs, or letting him kiss what's between yours.

When guys talk with each other, you may think they're talking baseball. But they're not. "Did you get to first base?" is another way of asking if he kissed the girl. (What do you think a "home run" means?) But that scoring system doesn't work so well any more, and guys are usually a lot more explicit about what they've done. You can bet that if you do more than kiss a boy, he'll let all his friends know what his batting average is. So, if you'd be ashamed if other people knew what you two did together, don't do it..

Losing Your Virginity

Is there anything special about saving yourself for marriage? Yes, but it only makes sense if you get married by age 18. As I mentioned in
Dating, evolution played a cruel trick on humans. We want sex before we're emotionally and financially ready to handle a child in today's world. A child that early will change your life forever. So, before you have sex, make sure you're ready. Don't let it happen by accident.

If you're not sure, don't do it. You'll know you're ready only when you are (1) alone in your own room and you can say, "Yes, I'm ready" and "I won't be ashamed if other people know I did it with him." (2) You're ready if you can walk into a pharmacy and purchase a box of condoms. In fact, that's a good test for yourself. If you aren't willing to do that, then you're not ready for sex.

Also, make sure your first experience -- and all your experiences -- are with someone you love, so even if you don't marry them, you will always have wonderful memories. If he's a good person, you can stay friends forever, even if you break up. My first time was with my fiance' Angela, I was 28 she was 21. She is now married, and we still talk.

Wrong Reasons for Sex

  1. You're forced,
  2. You're drunk,
  3. You don't love him,
  4. You didn't plan it,
  5. He says: "Prove you love me,"
  6. He says, "It's over between us if you don't,"
  7. You want to be like your friends.

Disease, Pregnancy, and Heartbreak

If you don't use a condom, then you're not ready for sex. What's a condom good for? Two equally important reasons: (1) it reduces your chance of getting pregnant, and (2) it reduces your chance of getting a disease. But it won't reduce your chance of heartbreak.

The first person you have sex with probably won't be the one you marry, and that means you'll eventually split up and lose the man who you thought was the love of your life. That's what happened to me. No, I don't mean the love of my life was a man, silly!

Having sex means you're taking a risk. Remember you can get a disease if any part between his legs touches you. Petting is reasonably safe, but it often leads to something more, which isn't so safe, so don't put yourself in that situation, until you're ready. And if you touch him under his clothes, or you let him touch you, don't touch yourself afterward. Wash your hands first.

So why all this caution and all these warnings? Because having sex with the wrong man (or woman) can kill you. Remember, AIDS is a four letter word. And then there's syphillis ghonorea, crabs, and herpes, pelvic inflammatory disease, and several others. Women have more to loose than the men. Untreated STD's can cause you to become infertile. And a woman may get them without any sign of infection. So be careful and be prepared.

Who's a Virgin?

Being a virgin won't protect you from getting a disease, so don't play the word game. Technically you're still a virgin if he puts it up your a _ _. And you're still a virgin if you suck his d _ _ _, but not really. It's still sex, and you could catch something, including AIDS, so don't pretend it's not sex. It is.

Alternatives to Sex

So what if you have those ummm... urges, you know, but aren't ready for sex? The simple answer is learn how to please yourself. It's fun. It's enjoyable. It's free. It doesn't take long. And it's safe. One other plus, if you learn how to please yourself, when you are ready for sex, you can show him how to please you. He'll appreciate you telling him.

In Summary

Sex is wonderful with the right person at the right time. Don't be ashamed. It's a special natural way for men and women to bond with each other.
Last updated: July 30, 2006