Dear Annabelle & Timothy

I just turned 44 and my mother was murdered a little over a year ago, so I feel my own mortality more than I ever have before. I came close to death in 1996, when I fell through the ice, had both feet amputated, and spent six months in the hospital. My dad died when I was 15 and we never talked about what was important to him. Although I asked my mother many times about what she thought about life, and what was important from her, she was never interested in talking about those things to me. Therefore, I'm writing this because I wish my parent's had left something like this for me.

Now I'm 56. When I was 48, my PSA was elevated, but I ignored my doctor's advice. When I turned 50, I learned I had prostate cancer. After two months of radiaton and two years of hormone therapy, my PSA started to rise again. For my birthday last year, my PSA rose above 2.0, so NIH deemed my cancer was back, and started to look for where it was. Fortunately, it was confined to my prostate, so Dr. Pinto at NIH removed it in May. At my nine-month check, the PSA was still undectable, so the surgery was successful. Still, there are no guarantees for the future. I'm writing this because I have seen the exit sign and was unhappy. But Dr. Citrin gave me some advice that I won't forget: "Life is a journey, not a destination. If you forget to look around and enjoy things along the way, it will be so much wasted opportunity." If I don't enjoy my day, I've wasted it. And I wasted a lot of days then, so I'm trying to do a better job of enjoying them.

I haven't found the meaning of life, but I have found the secret of life: "No matter what path you are on, each day, each moment, look for things along the way that give you joy." Do the things that bring happiness. Advice from Charlotte Payne at NIH: "Every day is a holiday and every meal a feast." During the government furlough, I learned that when I put on music, it makes the day feel like a holiday. I need to learn how to play the saxophone. No recording can compare with the real thing.

1. We love you (and just because you don't get what you want, doesn't mean we don't love you),
2. Never be afraid to talk to us (If you tell us something you've done wrong, before we find out about it, we'll go easy on you),
3. If you get in trouble, we'll try to help, but sometimes, the best way for us to help is to let you suffer the consequences (see rule 1).
4. We've lived longer than you, so maybe we have good reasons for doing something you don't like,
5. If you disagree with us, we're willing to listen, and if you have a good argument, we might change our minds.

What's Here?