Yes, I know. Words do hurt. Your mom and I have hurt each other many times with words alone. My old professor warned me, when I asked him about what he learned from his divorce, "Be careful what you say, because some things can't be taken back." But remember they are just words, and you allow those words to hurt you. They aren't the cause. Something inside you is the cause.
So what is the cause? The Buddists say the cause of unhappiness is desire. When a child wants a toy but is told he can't have it, what happens? If he hadn't seen that toy, then he wouldn't be unhappy now. If he had seen the toy, but hadn't been interested in it, then he wouldn't be unhappy either. Therefore, say the Buddists, if you remove desire, you remove unhappiness.
The Taoists have another perspective. To know happiness means to know sadness. They are two sides of the same coin. You cannot have one without the other. If a child has a toy that makes him happy, then when the toy is taken away or breaks, he will be sad. Following the Tao means to accept what happens as a part of life. Do not try to control life (you can't), just experience it (and don't let it control you). Let it happen. Sadness is part of life, go with it, and move on.
Evolutionary theory offers another view. Sadness and anger happen because they had survival value. They are negative emotions that you want to get rid of. So think about what caused them, what to do about them, and then do something different so they won't happen again. That will allow you to improve yourself and become a better person. (Or, in the case of anger, kill the person who made you angry, so they won't cause you any more problems :-)
In your teenage years, boys will cause most of your sadness. Come to think of it, they'll cause most of your sadness in your 20's, too. And after you're married, guess who will be causing problems for you then?
So what's the trouble? The boy you like doesn't like you? The boy you like has broken up with you? You've just learned the boy you like has another girlfriend and hasn't told you? The boy you like doesn't ask you to the dance? Those problems have happened to everyone. It's universal. Call up a friend, and commiserate. Tell her what a rotten scum he is, and how much better off you are without him. (If she doesn't agree with you, watch out! She's after him! :-)
Not Making the Cut
What if you try out for a team, but don't qualify? What happens if they're choosing sides and nobody wants you? What if you aren't accepted into the group you want? The solutions are obvious, but the won't take away the pain right now.
Continue working toward the goal you want. Make a plan. People don't usually succeed the first time they try something. That's why there's homework. Take a look at Abraham Lincoln or Snopes.com to see one person's story of repeated failure and eventual success. (Well, I don't know about the success part. If he hadn't become president, he would have lived a longer life!)
Getting sick before a dance or a date
The Death of Someone You Love
Written: Sunday, August 13, 2006
When my fiance called to tell me it was over, I rode all over the cornfields
Suicide Lots of things can cause unhappiness. When I wasn't admitted to the college I wanted, I held my dad's revolver in my hand and contemplated suicide. My mother walked in and said, "If you're going to shoot yourself, then shoot me first." I told her it was just an intellectual exercise. I was just thinking about the pros and cons of killing myself.
Since you don't know what the future holds, that's the best reason to live I didn't know what the future
Stuck in the hospital Joyce Packwood, couldn't commit suicide
My Mother's Murder