Short Biography: Keith: Age 40, Ph.D in Economics, work at EPA Only child. Mom age 82 lives in Nevada by herself. Dad died when I was 15 in bicycle accident. Both feet partially amputated for frostbite 7 years ago - bicycle accident. 3 operations, 3 procedures. 6 months in hospital. Helena: Age 32, M.S. in Biochemistry, work at NIH Born in Taiwan. Family came to US when she was 13 (1984) 2 sisters. Both live at home with parents (retired) in Silver Spring. 1 married w/ teenage daughter 1 about to be divorced Family speaks Taiwanese and Chinese. Parents speak some English. Annabelle: Age 8 months, no education, freeloader - doesn't work :-) Only problem is a bad case of eczema. Family Life: Helena stays with her parents on weekdays. Parents take care of Annabelle while Helena works. Keith takes care of Annabelle during the day each Friday. Helena & Annabelle stay Thursday night to Monday morning at Keith's house. Keith's Goals: Assume that the divorce is a worst-case scenario and prepare for it. 1) Develop co-parenting skills - learn how to argue less. 2) Learn how not to argue in front of Annabelle. 2) Work out visitation schedule at different ages 1, 2, 3, and 4 yrs. History of Helena and Keith 2000 May - Met at volunteer booksort Jun - Sailing, canoeing Jul - Bicycling: Annapolis Trail, Custis, W & OD Jul 4 - Canoe at Fireworks Aug - Tent camping at Shenandoah Sep - 3 day 2 night C&O Canal Bike ride (120+ miles) Tent camping (Keith's marriage test - Helena passed it with flying colors) 2001 ??? - more sailing and bicycling Apr - 5 day car trip to Kentucky for Keith's Family reunion Jun - Engaged, Oct set for wedding Aug - Purchased house together Sep - Keith broke off wedding plans, we remain friends Nov - Helena pregnant 2002 Jan - Elope to Key West for wedding Feb - Marriage counseling Aug - Annabelle born Nov - Helena and Annabelle move back to parents on weekdays Keith's View: Arguments beginning 2001 - every other month on average 1st - H: "I'm leaving, I never want to see you again." - K: "Tell me what's wrong; I'll change; I want this to work." 2nd - H: "I'm leaving, I never want to see you again." - K: "Don't leave; Talk with me; I hope we can work it out." 3rd - H: "I'm leaving, I never want to see you again." - K: "Maybe we aren't suited for each other; Let's try one more time; But if this happens again, I'll hold the door open for you." 4th - H: "I'm leaving, I never want to see you again." - K: "There's the door. Go ahead and leave." - H: "You didn't think I was serious did you?" - K: "If this happens again, I'll help you pack. I won't go through this again." October 2001 5th - H: "I'm leaving, I don't know why I put up with you. You'll never see me again." - K: "Good. Please leave. I don't want to see you again." - H: "I didn't mean it. I won't go. You are stuck with me." - K: "No. I want you to leave. I think you should stick with what you say." A week or so later Helena gives me back my key, and moves some of her stuff out. I call off the wedding. Spring 2002 6th - H: "We're leaving. You'll never see me or the baby." (while pregnant) - K: "Get out! I've had enough." November 16, 2002 7th - H: "Don't swear!" - K: "Fuck off!" - H: "That's it! You've got what you wanted. You'll never see me or the baby again." (said while holding baby) - K: (I start putting her things into bags and set them outside the door). February 17, 2003 8th - H: "If you ever look at those pictures again, I'll cut off your dick. If Annabelle ever sees those pictures, I'll kill you." K: "Do you really mean those words, or are you just angry and won't mean them tomorrow or in an hour." H: "I mean it. I swear. I will kill you." (Said while holding Annabelle). March 7, 2003 I thought about what she said, and decided that this was not a healthy environment for Annabelle. Life is too short to spend it being miserable and I asked Helena for a divorce. She says she will never give up Annabelle and will never let me have her overnight without her there. "You'll need to get a good lawyer," Helena has said at least twice. Other thoughts: Helena is the only person that has ever made me feel handicapped. She questions my intelligence. She finds fault with the way I take care of the baby. She has said I have nothing to offer the baby. In front of strangers, she will say bad things about me. She has often told me, even before the baby was born, that she cries herself to sleep at night. She likes to dance. I can't. She likes to go out to restaurants and movies. I don't. She says I'm cheap. That's true. Helena tells me her family does not like me. Her dad told her I was "stupid." Late Sept 2005 I tell Helena I want to plan for a divorce The only way you'll get a divorce is if you hit me. That sounds easy enough So Thursday night, off to Jail i go and don't get out until Monday afternoon and I stay in a house Lee Pauls friend was fixing