Happiness is a Choice

Re: It's 4:00 am (Tuesday, February 5, 2008)
From: "Angela.Davison@Rosscontrols.com"
To: "keith sargent"

[Try] not compare your insides with other people's outsides. You never come up a winner when making those comparisons. And I'll wager that you would not miss the past so much if you did not idealize it to the extent I perceive you may be doing. Try to make today and the future a happy place for yourself. Happiness is a decision you make over and over again, several times a day in various instances--it isn't just an emotion. One of the most profound, life-changing books I have ever read is called Happiness is a Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman. It's a short, easy read, and well worth it.

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To: Angela Davison
From: keith sargent
Date: 02/23/2008 07:39PM
Subject: Happiness Is a Choice

I just got the book today and started reading it. I'm not sure I believe it, but it is fascinating.

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Re: Happiness Is a Choice
Date: Sunday, February 24, 2008 10:53 AM
From:"Angela.Davison@Rosscontrols.com"
To: "keith sargent"

Good--keep reading! One of the biggest things I got out of the book was that I can choose my beliefs, even the ones that I thought were based on objective fact [it turns out that half the time my facts aren't so objective after all...]

I don't agree with everything in the book, but I do agree with the concept that we choose our own reality, and that what we deem as reality is indeed filtered through our own subjective perception. I don't think that there really is such a thing as objective reality.

Another thing that I've learned is to not discount an important life lesson just because the message bearer is personally objectionable. Wisdom doesn't come from only "perfect" people or scientifically "sound" principles; even Gandhi and Mother Theresa had flaws and some bizarre/odd points of view on certain things, but their flaws did not detract from the other gifts they brought.  Nor are the Bible, the Torah or the Dhamapada the ultimate sources of rightness and truth, but simply because these sources aren't unimpeachable doesn't detract from the good things they bring.

Angela M. Davison
Intellectual Property Counsel,
Assistant Corporate Secretary
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You are wise beyond your years. What you've said is true, but it's hard to put into practice. First impressions are powerful, and knowing a person's reputation is often a shortcut, or a useful filter, so that you don't waste your time, allowing you to pay more attention to those likely to have more knowledge.

> I don't agree with everything in the book, but I do agree with the concept
> that we choose our own reality, and that what we deem as reality is indeed
> filtered through our own subjective perception. I don't think that there
> really is such a thing as objective reality.

We may choose the way we interpret reality, or how we feel about it, but reality is out there. My mom was murdered; I've lost my feet. How I feel about those things is up to me, but I cannot alter them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

March 7, 2008

Twelve years have passed, and each year seems better than the last. I'm happier than I ever thought I could be without feet. On days like today, I remember how just being able to walk on two feet is a gift. That's the most important thing my accident taught me -- the most important things in life we take for granted, and we only realize how important they are after we loose them.  Parents, children, friends, health, home, jobs. Even our sense of smell and touch.  But Timmy is nine months old today, he takes everything for granted, but as long as his simple needs are met he's happy.  So, is the secret of happiness to appreciate all that we have and take nothing for granted, or to take everything for granted and enjoy whatever it is we're doing at that moment?

Your answer to my puzzle about Kaufman's book, "Happiness is a Choice," was very insightful -- that each moment is a choice of whether to be happy or sad. Objective reality may not change, but your reaction to it, at each moment is up to you. I like that! In fact, it answers the philosophical question I posed above. Kaufman would take the view of Timmy -- he finds joy in the moment, and doesn't think about anything but that moment.

But I wonder, since unhappiness is so common, there's possibly an evolutionary reason humans become unhappy. Does it have a survival value? (Now just because something is common, doesn't mean it has survival value. Wearing glasses is common, so is getting sick, so is appendicitis). But think about it this way. If you are happy, then you won't do anything to change the situation; if you are unhappy you will.  If a someone takes advantage of you, should you be happy about it, or say something? If you have a bad job, should you be happy about it, or try to find another job? In other words, sometimes unhappiness is a good thing to have, if it gets us to change an unhappy situation.

What do you think?
Date: Monday, March 10, 2008 6:38 AM
From: Angela.Davison@Rosscontrols.com
To: "keith sargent" <ksargent2@yahoo.com>

keith sargent wrote on 03/07/2008 06:04:49 AM:

> Kaufman would take the view of Timmy -- he finds
> joy in the moment, and doesn't think about anything but that moment.

I think what he's trying to say is that whether you're thinking/reflecting/etc. about the past, present or future is that you can choose if, when, how and how long to think/reflect/etc. about it.

> But I wonder, since unhappiness is so common, there's possibly an
> evolutionary reason humans become unhappy. Does it have a survival value?

It might. Some of the best life lessons I received came from unhappy events, and I suspect this is true for a lot of people. Most people don't want to make the same mistake more than once. At the same time, when we succeed at something, we would be doing ourselves a service by reusing behaviors that helped to achieve that succees in appropriate situations in the future. I suspect that most people do this as well. So, like most emotions, unhappiness can serve some useful purposes and isn't intrinsically bad.

> In other words, sometimes unhappiness is a good thing to have, if it gets
> us to change an unhappy situation.

Well stated!